At work the other day, a girl asked if I "was blooming yet"? Seeing as she was standing less than 2 metres away from me, I take it that the answer was "no". So there has been no miraculous transformation into a dewy-skinned, sparkly-eyed, bouncing-haired goddess but, neither have I turned into a puking emotional wreck who can only eat condensed milk and pork scratchings. Basically I have remained the same inside and out, just grown a big ol' belly.
There have been several niggles though so I'm going to list them! Some might be a bit graphic!
First Trimester
- Tiredness - the biggest one and also first clue that I was pregnant.
- Needing the loo at night - almost every night for several weeks I had to get up for a wee!
- Sore boobs - a normal complaint as they grow early on. Unfortunately mine seem to have stalled after this.
- Dry nips - bra dandruff anyone? Some Lanisoh cream sorted that one out, sharpish.
- Itchy skin - especially on my back. I got a back scratcher off ebay for when P was not handy but of course the itching stopped almost as soon as it arrived.
Second Trimester
- Headaches - not that often but very painful stabbing ones that lasted a few hours.
- Eczema patches on my shins and belly - E45 cream and lots of it, quick! They disappeared.
- Hunger - had to make a concerted effort to curb the snacking but not sure that I was hard enough on myself. Come on, if I've got to give up the beer and soft cheese I can at least stuff my face with chocolate and ice cream, right?
Third Trimester (so far)
- Needing the loo a lot again - I think it's cos Bean is squishing my bladder rather than actually needing to go as sometimes I suddenly think I am DESPERATE then a few minutes later, I'm OK. And no, I didn't wee myself in between. So far I haven't had to get up in the night though, touch wood.
- Weird rib pain - I looked into this and some women get ribcage pain especially in the front lower right of the ribcage. My pain is the back upper left. Yay.
- Swollen feet - sometimes they look like they have been inflated by bicycle pump. My toes look all right, then the foot part is big and squishy. This generally goes down over night and so far isn't painful although my right ankle has started to get a bit sore.
- Trapped nerves - I occasionally got trapped nerves in my lower back but it happens more frequently now or rather, almost happens every day so I stagger around a bit but it's not been too bad.
- Shortness of breath - as the uterus expands, your lungs get squashed. I walk to work which used to take about 27 mins. Now it takes about 35. I have no acceleration!
These are in addition to the general back ache and lard-arseing it around as I can't be bothered to keep getting out of my chair / off the sofa all the time. At my last GP appointment when I was getting off the bed, she told me to roll right over on to my side, then swing my legs down as sitting straight up from a lying down position could split my stomach muscles. Great! So in addition to probably having a vagine like a wizard's sleeve in a couple of months, I may also have chronic back pain due to separated stomach muscles that are supposed to support my spine :o(
But at least P thinks it's funny when I roll all the way across the bed to get out of it every day. I'm on the wall-side as I'm trying to sleep on my left side to get the baby in the right position and not put pressure on various arteries. I used to sleep on the other side of the bed but on my right so if I turned on my left, I could have had P breathing in my face all night (or more likely grinding his teeth or doing his weird "eating" noises) so the wall side it is.
OK, compared to a lot of people (I am aware of 3 sets of friends trying to conceive at the same time as us and they've either had zero luck or a really difficult time) it's not that torrid but this is my blog i.e. all about me, me, me so please feel appropriately sorry when I say that this has been the lowest point of my life so far. It's also important that I don't forget this.
It alllllll started in August 2010. I was nearly 30. Wah! No biological clock ticking as yet but come on, aren't you supposed to get things going around now? My husband, who I shall henceforth refer to as "P", was 33 and had been broody for years so good on him for not pressuring me. Anyway, once we'd finally decided to go for it, we expected it would all happen very quickly and we'd all live happily ever after. Well, the first bit was right, we conceived in the first month, calloo-callay! Smug, smug, smug. Parents were duly informed and I went to a meeting for work and paid not a jot of attention as I was thinking "I'll be on maternity leave by then" whilst hugging my tiny secret and trying not to smile all the time. Then after 7 weeks, I bled a bit and called my mum who handily happens to be a midwife. She was worried and we went to the Early Pregnancy Unit, I was probed by a wandy thing and it was confirmed that there was a foetus but no heartbeat. I had had no idea up until that point that I wanted a baby so much. I cried and cried and was then told that I could wait for it to miscarry naturally or have an operation to have it removed. This was even worse! Not only had it died, I then had to think about every day until it came out on its own which may have been quite painful and definitely upsetting or have an operation which would at least get it over with so we could move on. The next day I decided to have the op (ERPC - evacuation of retained products of conception - niiiiice!) to get the thing done and dusted so was booked in and had my first ever operation and under general anaesthetic at that, ooooh. It was OK, fine, in fact. I was in and out, had that day and the next off work and yes, it did help with closure although it took me a long time to get over it and there wasn't a day that went by for months afterwards that I didn't think of our first little poppyseed and what might have been. I'm getting sad just thinking about it again now.
Onwards and upwards, we kept trying and in March 2011 I tested positive again, yahoo! This time all went swimmingly and we even told a few people at around the 9 week mark. I had absolutely no symptoms at all which did make me worry a bit at the time but everyone else just said I was lucky. Roll on 11 weeks and I had another bleed although no as bad as the previous occasion so I was concerned but not too panicked. Another trip to the Early Pregnancy Unit, this time with P who was convinced (or at least trying to convince me) that everything was fine. Another fun time with Mr. Probe and it turned out that there was a sac in my uterus with a "tiny fetal polyp" on the side but basically this meant that nothing had ever really developed. We were both upset, again, but it was different this time in that there had never really been anything that had had a fighting chance. I went back a few days later to see if the sac was looking like evacuating any time soon (another go with the old probe. Seriously, it should have at least taken me out to dinner once by this point) but nothing had changed so I booked in for another ERPC and said adieu to this failed attempt too. By now it was June 2011. We didn't dwell on it for too long and even when the friends we had told saw us one day and were all excited to see if I was showing yet, I wasn't really upset, heck, I was an old hand at this thing! The only thing that did get me down was the amount of time we'd wasted - 3 or 4 months on something that wasn't going anywhere. Of course everyone knows how great hindsight is but if you are thinking of taking the baby plunge, just go for it cos you really don't know how long it's going to take.
In August, I "passed" for want of a better word, a small thing that looked like cross between an oyster and some chewed-up chewing gum. I didn't take any tests during this time so I have never known for sure whether this was Upset #3 but I managed to get referred to a specialist at the hospital anyway - if you have 3 miscarriages in a row, this is classed as "recurrent miscarriage" and they can start investigating to see if there's anything wrong but that's a long and painful period of time to wait if you ask me. As all 3 instances were different, the doctor more or less put it down to bad luck (which I agreed with). I had a blood test for antibodies which was fine so about the only thing she could suggest at the time was "lots and lots of TLC" and said that the next time I got pregnant, I could go in for some early scans for reassurance.
In October 2011 we went to the States to visit P's family. He has a LOT of family! They are big on babies. One visit to his Grandma who was so positive about us being able to have a child soon alternately made me feel upbeat but also that I'd had about enough of this whole farce and wanted to just stop. Then in November we came home from a meal at my parents' house and I felt exhausted and announced I'd take a nap. I hardly ever do this and as pregnancy was never far from my mind (I don't want to think how much money I've spent on testing kits) I thought I'd take a cheeky test before I snuggled down. It was a First Response one and I thought I could see a line but couldn't remember if there had been a completely blank screen originally or whether there had always been a faint line there. None the wiser, I left it out (cap on, I'm not a complete grossballs) for P to happen upon. Which he did and also thought he could see a line. Not wanting to get our hopes up, I decided to wait for a couple of days and then use one of those digital ones that ACTUALLY SAYS IN WORDS whether you're up the duff or not. We both crowded around the wee-saturated plastic thing and lo! It confirmed the joyful news. So now at the time of writing I am just into the third trimester and recording all this for posterity (mine and maybe P's if he can be bothered to read it) as I feel I should have kept some sort of diary of this a lot sooner. The baby is due at the end of July 2012 (nearly 2 years since we started trying) and I am now 31.
I am 6 months pregnant so this blog has been set up to record my pregnancy (even though I'm already 2/3 of the way through - better late than never) and probably life-with-child afterwards. At least for as long as I can be bothered / have time to do it (read: this is likely to be the only entry). If that ain't yo' kind of thang, jog on, bubba.
Otherwise, expect amazing insights, inspirational ideas and wise words about stuff in general. Oh hang on, that was if you jogged on and found a different blog. Mine will probably be all about being stuck at home with a screaming baby.
